Talking with your sexually active teen

Let’s face it, no parent I know wants to acknowledge that their teen may be sexually active.  Here are some signs that you can look for if you suspect your teen has experimented with sex.

1.  sexually active teens tend to be more depressed – especially those that are followers of Christ, because the guilt thing is pretty heavy.  Other pressures tend to contribute too, like stressing about how to hide the activity from parents or other family members, relationship problems with friends who are aware (could involve jealousy issues), worry about pregnancy, std’s and getting caught.

2.  sexually active teens tend to be more physical with thier partner in public. – if you notice that they have their hands all over each other in your living room, chances are, they’ve gone much farther in private.

3.  sexually active teens will be very interested in your schedule – in order for them to hide their activity they need to know when you’ll be home or at what time you’ll be expected.

4.  sexually active teens will be consumed with trying to find time they can be alone with thier partner – they will justify this by saying things like, “we just need to talk about stuff” or they may go as far as to say, “it’s none of your business what we talk about” 

5.  sexually active teens tend to be more obsessed with privacy when it comes to facebook, email, cell phone and other communication.  they do have something to hide…

If your teen is sexually active here’s a couple of resources from focus on the family about how to deal with your feelings on it, and how to talk to them.

about helping a teen stop being sexually active:

http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/25887

how to help a teen draw boundaries in a relationship

http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/25940

Just from my heart…I don’t want my kids to think that sex is a bad thing…actually Kristi and I teach our children that sex is a great thing.  God created sex and called it “very good”…and it is very good.  Sex is one part of a healthy and Godly marriage, and if a husband and wife enjoy each other as God created them to, then sex is an incredible gift. 

Sex isn’t the issue or the problem when a teen is sexually active.  Holiness is the issue.  If we truly are living in Christ we are living in holiness and obedience to His Word.  Jesus said, “if you love me, you’ll obey me.”  John 14:23-24

For God’s perspective read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

If you present the Word of truth to your teen in love, and model for them what healthy and spiritually mature relationships look like every day, then you can know that you’ve done your part. 

Every person has to choose between God and the flesh.  Your teenager ultimately will have to make that choice for themselves. 

Talk to your kids.  Use the resources.  You have the power.

Ephesians 6:1-4

www.nhccyouth.com

talking with your teen when tragedy strikes

 On Tuesday morning, May 3rd a 17 year old student was killed in a car accident.  Her name was Victoria Westfall and she was a regular attender of Northeast Iowa Christian Service Camp.  Many of our high school students who attend this camp know Victoria and are friends of hers.

here’s the news story: http://www.kcci.com/news/27774046/detail.html

Ask your teen if he/she knows Victoria.  Talk about the reality that no one in life has a guarantee to live.  Victoria was wearing her seat belt, but, it didn’t save her life. 

You could ask your son/daughter who ultimately saves us from this life? 

Read Colossians 1:15-23  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=col%201:15-23&version=NLT

Ask them, what does this Scripture tell us about how God has taken care of us?  What is most important to remember when someone who knows Jesus dies?  Is living a life in Christ more important than anything?  why?

For more resources on helping teens handle grief: http://www.hospicenet.org/html/teenager.html

for other Scriptures on problems you or your teens face click here:

http://nhccyouth.com/539373

Talk to your kids.  You’re the parent and nobody has more power to deal with the issues your child faces than you.

Ephesians 6:1-4

talking with your teens about cutting

I hope that you are using the resources we are providing to help you talk to your kids.   Did you know that the typical American family registers less than 15 minutes of direct parent-child conversation each day?  According to the book “Revolutionary Parenting” by George Barna a leading Christian researcher, he mentions that parents who raise Spiritually mature adults spend an average of 90-120 minutes in meaningful conversation with their kids each day.  How much time do you spend talking with your teens?

You may think that your teen would never cut themselves, but, do you know for sure?  I know that many teens struggle with self-image and awareness; does your teen?  Before you discuss this sensitive topic you may want to learn more about cutting and why kids do it. 

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html

Demi Lovato who is a star on the show “Sonny with a Chance” on the Disney channel has recently made her struggle with cutting and other health issues public.  I applaud her for this, because it helps parents to understand why our kids feel the need to do stuff like this.  Maybe you can learn something about this from someone who has/is living it.

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/demi-lovato-interview-teen-star-leaving-hit-show/story?id=13412192

You could watch this video with your teen, then ask them what they think about her struggles.  Do they know anyone that cuts?  Have they ever thought about it? 

Use this as a time to affirm that they are more important to you than life, and that you want to help them heal if they are hurting.  

Read Romans 8:5-39 - you can click this link:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208:5-39&version=NLT

Can you identify some things God says in His Word in this Romans Scripture that helps people deal with feelings that lead to behavior like cutting?

In the movie “To Save a Life” issues like cutting, suicide, teen pregnancy and general depression are addressed.  I know it seems like a lot of stuff to deal with in one movie but, it’s a great resource to start a conversation with your kids.  The movie is pg-13.  You can watch a trailer here:

http://tosavealifemovie.com/

If you promise to show this movie not only to your teens but share it with other parents and/or teens I’ll give you a copy,  I have several in my office.  Just shoot me an email/fb or text. 

for other Scriptures on problems you or your teens face click here:

http://nhccyouth.com/539373

Talk to your kids.  You’re the parent and nobody has more power to deal with the issues your child faces than you.

Ephesians 6:1-4

talking with your teens about suicide

Our family groups are done for this school year, but, I want to encourage you to keep the discussion going in your home.  Last Saturday two middle school girls had a sleep over, they wrote notes to their families, planned their funeral and then hanged themselves; you can read the story here:  http://abcnews.go.com/US/suicide-pact-minnesota-eighth-graders-haylee-fentress-paige/story?id=13411751

If you don’t think this could ever happen to your kids, then you’re wrong.  When kids are depressed, or stressed, and they don’t have a way to deal with it, they often will think about suicide.  Your teen maybe thinking about it.  How about drug use?  Or cutting?

Sometimes our kids do stuff, or think about things that we don’t know, because we’re not actively engaging them in authentic and genuine conversation.  Get beyond the “how was your day?” questions.  You have the power to help your children.  More power than the school, teachers, friends, or even pastors.

Click on this link for more information about what and why to talk to your kids about suicide:  http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/south-florida-parenting/resources/sfe-sfp-teensuicide,0,7831316.story

For some Scriptures on topics that stress kids out go to our website:  http://nhccyouth.com/539373

Talk to your kids.  Use the resources.  You have the power.

Ephesians 6:1-4

family groups April 13

This is our last Family Group session for this School year.  Family groups will resume in September!

for middle school and next level scroll down:

High School:

2 Thessalonians 2:15; Matthew 24:42-51

This week our family groups are discussing a couple of scriptures about the end of time, and how our understanding that Jesus could return at any moment should shape the way we live.

It’s great to be familiar with biblical passages that talk about Jesus’ return or future events-but so what? How do these verses and truths affect teenagers’ lives today? We are discussing how an understanding of the End Times provides clarity for today, hope for tomorrow, and gratitude for God’s plans and purposes.

I’d encourage you to take a few minutes this week to talk with your teenager about our lesson. Here are some questions you could include:

• Jesus told his disciples to “keep watch” because they wouldn’t know exactly when he would return. How might people live or act differently if they knew exactly when Jesus will return, and why?

• How can knowing that Jesus will someday return affect your attitude about telling others about him?

• In your family group, you talked about how an understanding of the End Times can provide clarity for today, hope for tomorrow, and gratitude for God’s plans and purposes. Which of these points had the biggest impact on you, and why?

Take a few minutes to pray that your student will continue growing spiritually by living and walking in God’s purposes and plans for life.

for a full lesson guide on this parable email:  daren@newhopechristianchurch.net

Middle School/Next Level:

Joshua 2:1-24

Is it ever OK to lie? Have a family discussion about these situations:

• Is it OK to lie to a friend to keep a surprise party a secret?
• Is it OK for undercover police officers to lie about their identities?
• Is it OK for parents to tell their kids that Santa and the Easter Bunny are real?
• Is it OK to lie about liking someone’s cooking to avoid hurting the person’s feelings?

Talk about what the possible outcomes or consequences could be from these lies. Take a family vote and decide if it would be OK to lie in those circumstances. Then read Joshua 2:1-24, and decide if you think it was OK for Rahab to lie in her sticky situation.

for a full lesson guide on this parable email:  daren@newhopechristianchurch.net

family groups April 6

for middle school and next level scroll down:

High School:

Matthew 25:14-30

This week in our family groups, we are taking a look at the final parable for our four-week series, the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. Jesus used this story to teach the importance of using the gifts, talents, and resources God gives us.

Encourage your student this week to find ways to honor God by using a particular skill, gift, or talent. Talk about the “menu” of career options. Discuss how your teenager could serve right now using those gifts, talents, and skills. Share what you loved to do when you were a teenager and how you’ve used your skills and passions to honor God.

Here are a couple of questions related to our small group lesson that could help fuel your conversation:

• What are some blessings, resources, spiritual gifts, and talents God has placed in your life?

• How does giving our best honor God? How does not giving our best dishonor God?

Thank you for your teenager’s involvement in their family group.  We hope that you continue exploring the parables and never stop telling stories of how Jesus is working in your lives!

for a full lesson guide on this parable email:  daren@newhopechristianchurch.net

Middle School/Next Level:

Acts 7:51-60

This week we are continuing our study on “What Really Matters”.  In this study we are asking the question, “Do I Have to Like Everyone?”

Have you ever been really offended by something someone said but never got a chance to tell the person how the words hurt you? Even though many people are hard to get along with, the Bible tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated. Easier said than done, huh? Talk to your child about a time you went out of your way to love a difficult person. How did that feel? Hard? Satisfying? Healing? Even though we don’t deserve it, God still loves and accepts us.

for a full lesson guide on this parable email:  daren@newhopechristianchurch.net

 

family groups march 23

for middle school and next level scroll down:

High School:

Matthew 25:1-13

This week is our third study in the parables series, and our family groups are looking at the parable of the 10 bridesmaids. Our lives here on earth are temporary. We were designed and created to worship and honor God with our lives for eternity.

This week, the parable we are studying is about getting ready for Jesus’ return and living in a way that the people around us realize there’s something eternal beyond this life. Our focus is not so much on any end-times event but rather the idea that we were created to live lives and make choices that help us get ready for Jesus’ return and help point people toward Jesus.

I want to encourage you to find time for some healthy conversation with your teenager. Here are some questions that tie back to our family group lesson:

• How is living a life that honors God similar to running a race or competing in a sport and receiving a prize?
• What are some new or modified habits that would help you grow as a Christian?
• How might your knowledge of Jesus’ eventual return affect the way you interact with people who haven’t made the decision yet to follow Jesus?

It’s my prayer your teen is growing in Spiritual maturity through weekly Bible Study and through relationships with others in their family group.

for a full lesson guide on this parable email:  daren@newhopechristianchurch.net

Middle School/Next Level:

Revelation 3:14-22

This week we are beginning a new study on “What Really Matters”.  For this study we are asking the question, “Do I really have to be a Jesus freak?”

Teenagers just want to fit in, so the thought of being set apart as a “Jesus Freak” is scary!

But it’s important to stand up for things we believe in. Tell your child about a time you took a stand for something you felt strongly about—maybe a coworker asked why you pray before lunch or you debated your views on abortion with a relative. Knowing that you made it through that tough time will help your child stay firmly rooted next time his or her faith is tested.

for a full lesson guide on this parable email:  daren@newhopechristianchurch.net